Flotsam

I have no idea why I'm blogging.  It's not like I have much to say.  I do think about writing long letters to friends,  at least I think about doing that, but I don't think I have the energy to do much these days. 

Thinking usually pales in comparison to doing.  A case in point: my brother has always thought that applying for a job was enough.  Um, no.  Any idiot -- myself being a prime example - can apply and even get an interview.  The only thing that counts is landing a job.  Talk is cheap.  To that end,  I'm doing what I need to do and meet with the lawyer next week and try to pay the bills.  The legal stuff isn't scary, it's the every day stuff.  For instance, today my brother and I took two boxes of stuff to Goodwill.  I stood there while they guy tossed various nic-nacs into big boxes.  He tossed out some stuff that was clearly junk/trash.  Almost everything was purchased by Melissa.  I gritting my teeth and tried my hardest to not get upset.  I wanted to cry and fall down on the floor.  My brother is immune from these sort of sentimental things.  

One of Melissa's friends/ex-coworkers called the other day to see how she was doing.  I had to tell her the truth.  She started to cry and cry and quickly hung up.  I feel like I need to call her back.  I feel I need to drive to the hair salon and tell Melissa's stylist that she's gone.   As long as I remain here - in this house, in this crappy city - a part of my thinks that she's on vacation.  Maybe she's down in Florida.  I know it's foolish but it hasn't really hit me.  Something is amiss.  It's surreal.  It's abstract.  I want my mom.

I wonder what's up with all the bananas.  I stopped at two supermarkets today and neither had yellow bananas.  All were very much green and immature.  I don't mind waiting a couple of days for them to ripen, but really green 'nanas usually turn a weird shade of gray.  I guess it's not banana season.

I got a call today about a job in Youngstown.  It paid 30k.   It was good for a laugh.  I offered some advice to the nice guy on the phone that a 30k programmer means that he'd only find a new grad with zero experience.  I don't think I've seen salaries that low.  I'd never hire a new grad for that little.   Even if it was a newbie, he or she would eventually learn that he or she could make 50% more without doing a thing.  I hate IT.  I hate the job pimps who lie because their lips move.