If I didn't care

It seems like I've been here forever.  It never fails to amaze me how slow the process of copying files from one drive to another is.  I noticed that I was running out of disk space on C: and decided to move 95% of my tunes to this portable USB drive that I have.   I still haven't opened up the other USB drive that I got a few weeks ago.  I still have buyer's remorse even though it was under $100.  I think the first paycheck will eradicate remose, poverty and all around blah feelings.

I hauled over ten boxes full of books and CDs to the garage.  I also spent a good hour facilitating my neighbors in taking some of the stuff that I had promised them.  I don't think that I'm the most mannered person in the universe except when I'm around people who have none.  I hate to be judgmental but it's hard to deny the obvious.  Let's just say that when a woman asks where the trashcan is so that she could spit in it, one better point and stand back.  

My head is killing me.  Pressure headache.  I took 3 ibuprofen but I think I just need some air.  

I keep waiting for warmer weather and it never comes.   Most of the stuff up in the third floor was Melissa's. I didn't realize that there were so many cards and photos and trinkets.  It was hard to stand there while Jackie went through things and I kept saying what she could have and what I wanted.  A lot of stuff was unopened and new even though it was dusty and if she didn't take it, I would've taken it to Goodwill.  I fought back the feeling of abject loss that threatens to fall on me like an avalanche.  Why doesn't anyone visit?   Why doesn't anyone stop by and see things for themselves? Things have always been so insular, so isolated.  Like Easter Island but without the statues.

Ineffectual

Today is the first day of Spring.   The change of seasons doesn't mean much to me even if I live in a place with actual seasons.  I've been thinking about planting something but I'm not sure why.  I really need to kick it in gear and empty out the house.   

The big stuff are the furniture and boxes and boxes of books.  There are even more up on the third floor.  I have a contact who might be interested in some of the books, but I haven't called yet.  I guess I'm waiting for better weather or winning lottery ticket.

The NY Times website looks worse and worse each day.  Today I was greeting for a ginormous Lowes ad.  I don't mind big ads, but when it takes up half a page of content (read: was especially distracting), I'll start going somewhere else.  Why do people think that bigger is better?  Big ads never work on a person like me.  Sure, someone has to pay the bills, but it's not like the Times has an exclusive on content - or its content.  Maybe I'll just read Google News.

Jetsam

It's 1am and I'm wide awake.  I have exactly one more day of freedom made a little freer since my brother doesn't need a ride from Wherever He Leaves His Truck (e.g., Wal-mart, Pilot).   

I cleaned out 95% of the stuff that was in the pantry and took everything to St Augustine's over in Tremont.  Unlike most of the churches in my neck of the woods, this place always has people there.  I can't tell who is a volunteer, who is homeless, and who actually works there, but it doesn't matter.  One big family.  I took food there yesterday and today clothes.  In some way, I wish I could keep taking stuff, you know? Some guy named Virgil helped me unload today and I noticed that the garage/storage place is chock full of stuff.  Mostly random pieces and parts and old, old furniture.  

I think the funiture in the dining room might be worth some money.  I have no idea what we paid for it.  They're Mexican-style if that means anything.  One piece is huge 6' armoire.  One is a table and chair set.  Heavy table.  And one is a serving thingie.  I have no affinity for them and I never use any of them.  The cats love to sit on the chairs, so I definitely have to de-cat-hair the chairs at some point.  There's also a full size bed upstairs too.  I paid something like $500 or $600 for it at Unfinished Furniture.  Yes, it's finished.  I never liked the bed because it always squeaked.  I quieted said squeak by using a roll of toilet paper as a sort of shock absorber.  I'm not a mechanical-type, so I never experimented with various (read: elegant) ways to quiet this bed.  Maybe some small piece of rubber?  I like my cheap Ikea bed.  That I paid $100 for at the Ikea in Pittsburgh.  It feels like a futon more than anything else.  

I told my brother that Watchmen sucked.  I only made it through two of the three hours and ended up walking out.   Worrying about the dogs was real, but the movie was really, really, really slow.  And I never read the comic and couldn't keep up with the time periods (WWII, Vietnam, 1985).  Since Jimmy has "plans," I probably won't see it again.  Going to a movie is slightly more appealing than gaving a tooth filled.

I'm not the kind

I wonder why I seem to be listening to old Morrissey songs.  I used to have this cassette of "Bona Drag" and I played it to death.  I didn't have many tapes but I listened to most of them over and over.  And over.  Music was about the only thing that kept me company during the late 1980s.   Yes, it's stupid and nostalgic because I'm stupid and nostalgic.  

I have this urge to run.  It's 12:30am and 16 degrees outside, sure, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like running.  I think I just want to be warm and perhaps hot.  I'm always cold these days because it is cold.  I made a pot of coffee and it did nothing to help.  Caffeine doesn't make me bouncy at all; in fact, I'm the guy at Caribou with his head on the table dozing off.  I know I'm eating because I keep buying food and washing dishes.  Tonight I made some chicken like Stacy does it (mayo + parmesean cheese) and I microwaved some calabacitas veggie mix that was on sale for $1.50.

I hate my haircut.  I'm usually do indifferent when it comes to how I look or what I'm wearing, but I hate my haircut.   Going to some random Cheap/Best/Cuts place never fails to disappoint.